My unofficially yours story

Love, Love move's in a such un-expected way, one moment we are inlove to that person and then
we will end-up falling more deeply in love with a different person.

The hardest part of it and most challenging about it, are the journey that you have to travel to find
it only to find out that you are meant to each other, but you can't be together.

I have met and fall inlove with different woman, dated a lot of them and enjoyed their companion, but
not as much as what I have felt to this woman. Over the years my friends see me as a kind of a guy who will never enter a relationship specially if someone is already owned it and if it is too complicated.

 I first met her 19th of August 2012, it was a good day for taking photos, I'm a beginner photographer wanna be during that time, I have my own life with my girlfriend we've been together for 7 years that time and 7 years wasn't that easy at all we've been to a lot of stress specially the last 3 years of our relationship, I wanted to marry her and live on our own, but she doesn't want to, she said she doesn't want to get stock with a kind of a guy like me, well she actually said this thru text message, along with other hurtful words that really awakens me in our relationship.

Sometimes when we on our top strength fighting for that one special person, they just give-up on you and hurt you in the end. I was broken in to pieces since she told me those words and even that our relationship still continue the broken pieces we're never been repaired back to it's original state, sadness envelop our relationship, we became strangers to each other with a known name, we do things together because we have too, anyway back on track.

I bought my 1st entry level DSLR on March of that year and I have no intention of becoming a professional photographer. A friend from the office where I work as IT Tech. invited me to join an event, It's a photoshoot for a cause that will benefits victim of a storm that pass over our city. So my friend I went to the park to join this event, since this is the first time we meet this group of photographers, we tend to keep our distance and have our own conversation with my friend with his other friend, so we are a total of three beginner to the world of DSLR after waited for an hour, this is where my story begin. A lot of pretty young ladies came that day for that cause, but one attract me most that I cannot explain why can't I keep my eyes away from her, it's like my eyes keep searching for her. But I just ignores it, I have no plans at all of getting close to any of this ladies and hang out with them. Well I got a chance to talk to her that day, it was actually quite unexpected,  when some of the photographer ask her to stand close to a wet dirty looking stone and took a photo of her I happen to be close by where she is standing and assist her after they took a photo of her and offer her if she want alcohol to put on her hands and after that we move on, That's the last time I talk to her that day, up to the event ended I know my eyes is still looking at her and when she said her goodbyes to the rest of the model, make-up artist and photographer sadness in my heart flow, and so I left as well. Quite unexpectedly I was surprise to see her again on the parking lot and I just smile without her noticing me.

A few days after the event I started posting photos for that event, some probably did like my photos and some probably didn't like it at all, heart is trembling of fear, what if she didn't like my photos and so I just post it anyway and tag it to her. Well she did says thanks for the photos and she we're surprise to know that I have posted more photos of her compare to other photographer and I was smiling all over the place.

And then a few days passes by I decided to put an effects on one of the photos that I have taken. Initially I already chosen a photo of her, but decided to look on my archive to see if I can use a different photos of a different model, but still end-up with her photo and so I did it. a whole week after I finish it, I can't decided if I should show it to her or not, so I decided to send her a message and attach the image that I made for her to see, well honestly I'm expecting that she wouldn't like it at all and it took a while before she replied to my message and she we're asking me to post it and tag her and that she like that photo, From there the photo we're called the "Girl on Fire" a fierce looking girl wearing a clothes made out of fire.

Around September of that year a common friend of her and I joke around her photo to replace her profile picture and do another pictorial, unexpectedly it did push thru we planned the pictorial, what to wear and where should we do it, it took us almost a month to plan it, and this whole month is where we started to get close, I started talking to her almost everyday planning on what to do, what to wear who to invite and the last thing that I know I started to feel different towards her, for days I keep on denying it for I don't want to get involve in her relationship since she has a boyfriend who work abroad. But for no reason at all and unexplained feelings of mine I have fallen inlove with her and worst part of it I started to get involve to her.

I know from my self that what I am doing is not right and that I have to respect their relationship and not to intervene between them, so as much as possible I tried to avoid and discuss the feelings, but it didn't went well. My feelings that I tried to kept burst out and the next thing I know, I was talking to her about it and how I felt towards her. December my girlfriend and I finish our relationship, she move out of the country and work in singapore and broke up with me. I was ok with it and I agree with her reason, we already move on with our lives a long time ago and we can stay out and be happy without each other that we are nothing but a strangers to each other already and we just needed to admit that everything about us is already done a long time ago.

Things happen very fast, first I always teased her about her being paranoid whenever someone inviting her for a pictorial and afraid to go to and how she get stress because of random things or petty things I may say.

Smile turns to laughter and there start a beautiful friendship, over the months we continue like this until we at the last week of December 2012 we were invited to visit an abandon building in Angeles City, Pampanga to do a pictorial there we are given a chance to talk personally and there we're it fully grown.

First day in I went to the place where I'll be picking her up and the other model and there she admit that she also love me and I was so happy that moment when she told me that. I was so happy that day while driving back to meet the other model and the photographer who invited us to their ancestral land. Around 9am we arrive in Angeles City, Pampanga. and the model started to do their make-ups after we put all or things inside the house. Past 10am when we started to do the pictorial that day, whenever I have her to shoot, that feelings and my heart rushing out that I have to control my self for I may kiss her and may shock her and the other model and photographer might see me if I kiss her and so I keep a hold of myself. But that night we stayed late at night we created a moment that I will never forget, we are about to go to our separate room when I pulled her on the stair and we almost kiss, forehead to forehead until our nose touch each other and the only light, lighting us are the one outside the window we are but shadows in the dark and that moment for me is so real. The next morning we do a last pictorial over the rooftop of a building me and her went first and took a couple of shots and it became a wonderful morning when I kiss her.

I really wish she is mine up to this very moment February of 2013.  For a very long time, this is the very first time that I have ever felt so inlove that I want to be married with and settle down with her, first time that I felt that I am complete that I am happy, but then again is nothing but a borrowed moment that I cannot keep forever, she wanted to get married with her boyfriend who is coming back home for a one month vacation and then start a family with him. I knew deep inside she has love me, we wouldn't be sharing a kiss since that day if she didn't, the caring the all night talking over the phone or just listening to each other breathing that wouldn't happen if she didn't learned to love me in the first place, But according her she already committed her self to her boyfriend and she already made a promise to her boyfriend that she will marry him. So who am I to ruin the dream that she has for them. I know I love her and I am willing to take all the risk just for her. A friend once talk to me that I should settle what ever feelings that I have for her and start to stand up gain on my own and be my old self again for I am nothing but a loser in this game, but I do know what I am doing, I love her and right now she is all that I see and all that I am, I want to be by her side always, but I know I can't for she has already chosen her boyfriend to be her husband. Time is running out for me it's February and I only had a couple of days to be with her, Her boyfriend is schedule to arrive on February 28, 2013, where she will pick him up.

I know I have to move on with my life after this and I am sure that soon I'll be back to who I really was a snob, arrogant and un-socialize guy I am(grumpy old me).

Still the feeling of wanting something that you will treasure forever is still in here, it's very hard to explain this feelings and I can't find a proper word describe it.

With her I am happy, I'm a whole different person, even my relatives saw this. The smile that the whole me is different. Who am I right now? I'm the guy who is deeply inlove with her.

I'm writing this and doing this for the first time, for this is the most wonderful feelings that I have ever had in my entire life of having a relationship with other woman and I am proud to tell the story of us to everyone, proud to let everyone knows about this story.

If in time she will find this, You know who you are. I wouldn't say your name here for I don't want to make a scene for other people who might know you find this as well and I know you don't want that to happen.

All I wanna say is that I love you so much and I will treasure all the happy moments that we had shared, I love you with all of my hear. I really wish that you are mine, You know I want to fight for you to be with you, if you'd only let me. Again stop stressing your self to much over petty things, keep smiling don't let your self be trouble by the people around, as long as you are happy where ever you are, I will always be happy for you.

Don't worry about me, maybe by the time that you will see this, I'm already with someone else. :)

Thank you for all the wonderful things, I learned a lot just by being with you. I never thought that I would feel this. Until the next time we meet.




A.P.R. to J.D.S.